Monday, December 13, 2004

Jesus, You Never Realize How Bad Saturday Afternoons suck until College Football Ends

Some random thoughts, besides the title...

I was talking to D@n P*r$chW!tz and I noted that Leinert joins the prestigous group of white college superstars to fail miserably in the pros. This sparked a conversation about near Heisman winners, which prompted Big Poppa to ask,

"And what about Brad Banks? Whatever happened to that guy?"

and because I have too much free time when I'm avoiding actual work, I answered this for him, and the answer is pretty funny.

Turns out Banks was signed in 2003 as an unrestricted free agent by the Washington Redskins after narrowly losing the Heisman award to Carson Palmer. This was a necessity personnel decision made before then-coach Steve Spurrier completely went bug-fuck.

Sure enough, two weeks later, Spurrier decided it was time for a change and signed his old buddy, former Heisman award winner Danny Wuerfell. Without the roster space, Banks was released and has never been heard from again.

The happy side of the story was Danny Wuerfell, who led the Skins to a 14-1 record and an appearance in the Superbowl. This is of course, complete fantasy, much like the world Steve Spurrier lives in.

Dan Young has settled the Detroit fans suck versus Philly fans blow argument, as he shared with me this tasty morsel from a fellow Philly fan:

"We boo safe landings at airports."

If I were Jim Rome, I would say "Strong." Followed by uncomfortable pauses and rhetorical questions and then more uncomfortable pauses.

So, I've been purusing the lines for the bowl games. And salivating. I wish I were a bookie. What a friggin great time this must be for them. NFL playoffs probably get more action, but check some of these out:

Virginia giving Fresno State 5&1/2, with FS coming in at 175 on the line. If I had money, I think FS has earned that much.

Miami Ohio giving Iowa State 3 even at -150 and an over/under of 50.5. We're talking about Miami OH and a Big 12 North team. If i had money, I'm taking the under.

Oklahoma State versus Ohio State, Cowboys giving 2. Not much action, but OK State is pretty safe in my mind, if I had money.

In the OH MY GOD WHY department: California giving Texas Tech 11.5 with the money line at -500. Let me restate that for those that don't gamble. You have to gamble 500 dollars on Cal to win 100. Stay away. Stay far, far away.

Purdue giving 7 to Arizona State, with an over/under of 55.5. If I had money, I'd take the over. Purdue's quarterback kid is just that good.

Louisville giving 14 to Boise State. Boise State is at +400. If you'd rather have fun with a hundred dollars than be safe on it, take BS. I mean, it's about the same in my mind as putting a hundred on roullette.

Bulldogs giving Badgers 7 at +240. Badgers can cover with that defense, if I had money.

Aggies giving Volunteers 3, with the Vols at +130. Hmmm... SEC West winner versus the Big 12 South no.3.... me likey... if I had money.

Auburn giving VT 7. They will be pissed. If I had money, it's worth the -270.

Concerning MNF: The Chiefs didn't choke in crunch time two weeks in a row. If only we hadn't done it four times in the first five games, maybe I wouldn't want to run over my own head.

What can I say about the Missouri Tigers basketball season thus far?

No, seriously. What can I say?

Oh I know. Arkansas beat them. I simultaneously am thrilled and am slamming my head into my desk.

Finally, I must say, Pedro, WHY?!!!!!