Monday, October 02, 2006

Sixteen Ways to Blow It

Eight teams remain. That means there are 16 possibilities for the World Series. And, it stands to reason, there are 16 different ways Fox can not script October (cough)bullshit(cough). Don't let their commercials fool you: Fox will milk any storyline they can find, whether or not people care. There will be some stories that are unavoidable, like hometown hero Joe Mauer trying to bring the championship back to his 'hood in the Twin Cities, or A-Rod trying to prove himself to people he'll never meet. Fox had those stories shot the day every team clinched a playoff birth. The ones they'll have to scramble for are the matchup stories, the ones dependent upon what actually happens on the diamond. The following is one man's ranking of said potential matchups based on the annoyance level of Fox's coverage.

There's No Way Fox Can Make This Annoying, Is There?
Twins vs. Padres/Dodgers
No history between the two teams, no geographical proximity to create some nonexistant tension, no logical way the majority of the baseball-watching population gives a damn. My bet? They try to get Padres 3B Russ Branyan or Dodgers CF Kenny Lofton to pretend he's really pissed off about something that happened back when both played with the Indians. It's all I can think of.

Tigers vs. Mets
This matchup looked inevitable back in July. Now with Pedro out and Detroit forgetting how to win, it will take a small miracle to see these two teams duke it out for the title. That said...well, there's not a whole lot that can be said. Maybe the contrast of glitzy NYC vs. blue-collar Detroit. Yeah, that'll probably get run into the ground.

Woe Is the Team With No Money
Twins/A's vs. Mets
We get it, the Mets bought Delgado, Glavine, Lo Duca and Lichtenstein while the Twins or A's have to sleep at the stadium because they have nowhere else to go.

Really, It's Just the Timing
A's vs. Padres
NorCal vs. SoCal! Intra-state clash! Two similar, yet distinctly unique cultures on display as...the East Coast is either asleep or the West Coast is at work during the games.

Please Rise for our National Anthem, Performed by Journey
Yankees vs. Dodgers, Tigers vs. Padres, Twins vs. Cardinals, A's vs. Dodgers
All four matchups happened back in the 80s ('81, '84, '87, '88 in the order above). I'm sure we'll see hours of footage regardless of which one happens, unless it's '88. Then we'll just see the Kirk Gibson homer off Dennis Eckersley on loop until people go on hunger strikes in protest. Guilty note: I think a Yankees/Dodgers matchup would be fun just because of all the history. I'm done - back to the snark.

I've Had it with the "Genius" Tag
Tigers vs. Cardinals
Hey, weren't Tony La Russa and Jim Leyland supposed to manage against each other in the World Series 15 years ago? Where's my Bell Biv Devoe tape?

A's vs. Cardinals
La Russa can be pretty obnoxious. I don't need Fox's help as he takes on his former club. The Cardinals are lucky just to have made the playoffs and are barely over .500, so please, no need to get on your knees this time. And you know they're going to call Pujols and Rolen the "New Bash Brothers." You've been warned.

Ever Heard of that Kirk Gibson Guy?
Tigers vs. Dodgers
This is the matchup I'm personally rooting for, but I'll admit by the time it's over we will have a more intimate knowledge of Gibson than his wife. Yes, he was on both the '84 Tigers and '88 Dodgers when they won the World Series. You don't have to go to a shot of him every other pitch as if he were part of the cast of a flagging Fox drama.

Time to Go Behind the Woodshed
Yankees vs. Padres
Kevin Brown isn't what he was back in '98. One of the most lopsided World Series in recent memory. Big market/small market. How the Yankees have changed since they were the best team since the '27 Yankees. Shoot me.

Cringing...
Yankees vs. Cardinals
Take your pick - you could either listen to Tim McCarver slobbering over Jeter's intangibles or Joe Buck rambling about his father, the late, great voice of the Cardinals and the real reason little Joey is where he is today. Granted, it would be a touching moment if the Cardinals won this matchup and Joe spontaneously said a little something for his dad, but unfortunately Joe Buck is as spontaneous as a shuttle launch.

Not If There's a God in Heaven
Yankees vs. Mets
I think we all saw this one coming.

2 comments:

Dan said...

If it's two teams I don't care about in the World Series (say, A's-Padres), I'll probably end up passively not watching. It'll be on in the background, and I'll be aware that it's happening, but I just won't really pay much attention.

But if it's Yankees-Mets again, I'm going to actively not watch.

Mini Me said...

Fox ain't that great, but I think it could be a lot worse.